Our little family is running on fumes. We have been on the biggest hiatus of travel and separation we have faced yet. Upon arriving at a hotel in Atlanta, just the three kids and I, a volcano of exhaustion erupted among the trio. I handled the hot lava by, naturally, adding lighter fluid rather than cooling waters. It was so uncharacteristic that my brain detached from my heart causing me start the feature presentation of mom-zilla. I felt like I was watching a movie as it all transpired in its ugliness. I literally felt like I watched myself. As an "innocent" spectator I thought: Who is that woman? What is wrong with her? It cannot be that bad.
The details are not important. What is important is that today, I failed. If this were the SATs, I misspelled my name. If this were my wedding, I was left at the alter. If my performance were based on today, "below expectations" fits. This may not be a job to some people, but to me it is. I gave up a career because THIS became my career. And just like any other job, we have moments we fail. That's what makes this a job, the potential to fail. Unfortunately this job, is life.
After such epic failures, we have two choices 1) dig a hole, sulk it and give up 2) forgive ourselves, seek restitution and move on. At the end of the day, inevitable failures makes us stronger and positions us for future success, if we chose the ladder. Giving up taughnts me. It's the carrot ever dangling in front of me. My mouth waters. My eyes fix on it. Then I hear those three little voices and remember I have no room to give up. Simultaneously I remember, this is as much a lesson for me as them.
I am not perfect. They need to see that. They need to see mommy fail, seek forgiveness, forgive myself, seek restitution and move on. If I am willing to humble myself, as I learn from my failure, they will learn too.
I failed today. I learned today. They learned today. We moved on today.
Take comfort in knowing that unconditional love exists! Hallelujah!
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