Since April 1, 2010 I have felt like I have been in a constant state of exhaustion. I used to think I was a whimp but I haven't, until recently, really understood (or maybe believed) why I live feeling exhausted day in and day out.
Very few of you know that I got a little part time job, 15 hours a week or so (only 1/3 of the hours are when my kids are actually awake too!!!). Why? to FORCE me out of the house. leaving the house strictly for social reasons made me feel guilty and I frequently find excuses not to go since i "don't do anything all day long". I thought surely I would not be able to function the days after I work because I play wife and mommy all day then work until 10 pm. I found the very opposite to be true. I am LESS tired the days I work at the part time job. The days I am ONLY a SAHM are far more tiring. No comparison. I realized it is because my real job is far more emotional than any "real world" part time job. It's simply draining to care for your own children each day because you know what? The job of a SAHM never truly ends, we are always on. Always. I never knew how exhausting the emotional aspect of my job was until I had something to compare to.
I think the majority of the exhaustion is rooted in knowing the decisions I make (big and small) impact so many generations to come. Not only do I effect Addison and Caleb---I effect their children and their children etc. I don't consciously think that all day long but because I/we strive to raise our children to be loving, responsible, independent, god fearing, productive people it takes a lot of work each day. Easy street beckons me each day---be a friend not a parent, cater to them, no boundaries, relinquish my parenting to others, neglect their natural abilities, avoid teaching them, avoid disciplining lalalala!
This realization actually brought me relief---I am not just a tired whimp!!!! My SAHM job IS exhausting. Not to mention i do more than babysit all day long...pay bills, clean, grocery shop, cook, be a wife, laundry, etc. I wouldn't change it for anything but I am thankful things are finally all starting to make sense.
And I might also be tired because its 1139 pm and I am still awake!!!
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I didn't know you got a job!!!
ReplyDeleteIt is tiring being a SAHM. Even when they sleep or do IPT and you have some "me time" you are ALWAYS on, listening for them, waiting to see if they cry out, if they need you, if you should go to them or let them settle, if they are trying to manipulate their way out of nap or IPT because they don't want to, even if its good for them etc... I am tired all the time too.
Also, I will NEVER, EVER, EVER understand parents who work but put their kids in day care on their days off so that they can have a free day. Since my parents live so far away, that's a "luxury" I do not have! That's a luxury Nick doesn't have, he's either working or he's a Daddy, we will never be Nick and Stori again until all of our kids are out of the house!!!
You have got to take care of yourself as well or you just get burnt out. I think it's great you are getting out of the house for some time and conversation with "adults". The best of us need breaks. And if you are less stressed/tired your kids will be happier too!!! You are doing great Kelly!
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