Confessions of a stay at home mom: looking in the mirror

I had a moment today. One of those moment you wish you could call out "do over" or "take two". My three year old was being naughty in a way unusual her her. I can only assume she was tired since it was nap time. She completely lost it and had a total meltdown downstairs. No big deal right? Send her straight to bed? Well all I could think about was....a) how irritated I was by this uncharacteristic behavior, b) she was going to wake up her brother who had just fallen asleep and c) SHE WAS SO LOUD!!! I didn't want her running past his room screaming. I sat her in timeout in the bathroom downstairs and it just got worse. She got louder. I got more irritated. I threatened. I was mean. It's not important how it all went down but here is what I realized.....As I sternly spouted off things like "hush now" and "if you don't stop this fit then (insert lost privilege)" she got more worked up. (Ignoring her is what I normally do but I way bed her to be quiet so we could GO TO BED).

Then. Amidst all the drama it hit me, I was looking in the mirror. She was being me but at the maturity of a three year old. Sigh. I was upset. So was she.

She's my guinea pig. My first. Everything is new with her. Everything is trial and error. I am realizing that, this is quite novel so go with me, she's three. She. Is. Three. I know my little boy is two. I know what two looks like. I have been there! What is tricky is, she has the intellect and understanding of at least a five year old. I am not boasting. It's real and you agree if you know her. The trick is, her emotional capacity is on track. There is a gap. Huge. I see a five year old. Not a three year old. I expect a five year old. Not a three year old. I see her intelligence more often than her emotional capacity so I treat her like a five year old. It's not fair.

I must repeat that to myself in these "do over" circumstances---she is three, she is three, not five!! My expectations of that sweet girl are so high and after talking to several other veteran moms I relieved to know I am not alone. Many of those moms shared they forgot (and still forget) how old their oldest is.

Next time I look at Addison and see a mirror, I hope it's not a "do over" moment because I messed up (or had an epiphany). I hope it's because it's one of those moments you want to relive over and over and over because of it's sweetness! We have plenty of those but, as a friend recently said in her blog--people look at the train wreck--so today this blog was about the wreck :)