Confessions of a Stay at Home Mom: Two Years Later

Today is a day I will continue to pause and remember, two years ago today...October 15, 2013, we lost our Olive but we still had our Blythe (here are the last two blogs on the topic 39% downloading,One Year Later) !  It's one of those moments you will never forget; I know what I was wearing, I know exactly where I was.....I remember the smell of the room, the dark lit dreary room, I remember watching the faces around me analyzing what was on that screen delivering such disappointing news, I remember feeling frozen and out of breath as I realized what was happening. While I remember all those difficult things, here are things I also remember that day and the days that followed...

• I remember each hug
• I remember the meal delivered to us for dinner that night
• I remember compassionate listeners 
• I remember seeing one heart still beating, what is now our Blythe
• I remember the overwhelming sense of thankfulness for the blessings we had
• I remember Gods peace as the initial moments passed 
• I remember Matthews strength
• I remember God using this story for his glory

It is a little ironic this happened to us on pregnancy and infant loss awareness day. I did not even know that day existed until after this happened.  I appreciate this day because it causes us to remember the women who have gone through such a difficult circumstance, many of them countless times. As I continue to tell our story to women and families, I realize a lot of people do not like to talk about the loss they suffered (or are suffering).  While I am not sure why, I wish they would. To those suffering losses and keeping it close.....there is healing in sharing!  You are NOT alone. I assure you someone else is going through a very identical situation, even if it's a friend of the third degree, and you could lift each other up.

For me, as I shared the story two things happened 1) I discovered so many around me were in similar pain and it allowed me to share Jesus or simply gave us an opportunity to lift each other up and 2) and this was key, it kept the memory alive which is important to me. I appreciate those around me who do not try to sweep this under the rug. I think the story of Olive is a story of Gods graciousness and powerful miracles and sovereignty. He had a plan for what transpired on October 15, 2013; I have seen parts of this plan come to flourish and what a joy!  How can we sweep a story of God graciousness, power and sovereignty under the rug!!??  So I encourage those out there quietly suffering to share-share so you can participate in Gods glorious plan for that baby in heaven, share so you can heal!  That's what worked for me anyways. I do realize my situation is a bit different than many of my readers; I had one baby left and two already born.

To my readers who have never gone through this or do not know someone who has.....think before you speak.  I implore you to think.  Sure, our kids are crazy and it is ok to be frustrated, but remember who maybe listening (or reading nowadays), there could be someone suffering silently.  I have even heard comments like "I HAD TO have twins......"....REALLY?!?  Had to?  Think people.  Think.  Or "I cannot wait until my kids are out of the house"....some people cannot wait to have kids IN their house.  Or "we did not want this child {now}, it was not the plan". In the confidence of close friends those things said in jest are ok, but if there are others in ear shot, be sensitive.

Remember those impacted by this day.  Say a prayer for those families struggling....trust me, PRAYER WORKS...it simply works.