I confess that when Matthew first started going on business trips I was jealous. I was jealous that he got a break from the monotony of life. Jealous that he could eat dinner when he pleased, be temporarily relieved of his Daddy duties, come and go as he pleased, not worry about waking up in the middle of the night, have no diapers in sight, not be covered in stickers, simply be alone, not hear phantom cries or tantrums, relax...you get my point. I think I felt particularly like this because unlike working moms, I do the exact same things EVERY day. EVERYDAY with no change in the day when Matthew is out of town. I do the same thing from 7 am to 8 pm with little to no change of scenery or people or venue.
But, something changed. I am no longer jealous. I have only been away from Addison for two nights (non consecutive) and never from Caleb. The two nights away from Addison all I could think about was that sweet precious little girl. I thoroughly enjoyed the time away, but there was a piece of my heart that was missing. A piece of me was with her. And even today, when I leave my two babies for the day or evening, part of me stays there. Again, I enjoy and relish the time away but life is not the same without those two beautiful blessings.
I have a very tiny glimpse of what it must be like for him to leave behind his loves. Part of him must be left behind. Almost as if you are not whole when you are away. I find myself thankful that no one is asking me go away for two weeks (which is how long he is gone for currently). No matter how hard every day is raising children as a full time job, I could never ever imagine not being here.
Don't misunderstand me, I would love a get away---especially with Matthew since we had a mere 11 months as newlyweds before our Blessing Addison arrived. BUT now I feel like I have a learned a little something about how hard it must before Matthew to leave. I was too self centered to see that leaving us for trips must be hard on him! I cannot imagine two weeks without my babies so I am grateful that he willing to leave a piece of himself behind in order for him to provide for us. I am blessed. Blessed.
I feel a little bit of both. I know Nick hates to be away from us when he travels... but he gets to go to the coolest places and stay in the nicest hotels when he travels! Oh and eat out at the fanciest restaurants... I do envy him that! I can't help it. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I totally agree with both sides of the story. Getting away is nice, but leaving is HARD for any parent to do!!!!
ReplyDeleteYep, yep, yep. I've felt the jealousy too. Especially b/c Chad is an avid hunter, and he chooses to leave us for hunting trips. We've had arguments about this a lot, and nursing just compounds everything b/c it is so hard for me to even leave for an hour or two (on me and Claire). As mother's and SAHM's, we are the primary caregivers, and I've come to accept that the responsibility cannot be shared equally all the time. It's a hard thing to accept sometimes, but it's also a wonderful blessing. I wouldn't trade the bond I have with Graham and Claire for anything in the world. Nevertheless, I still get jealous!!! ;)
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